Whales by the Fireside

MJ, now there’s a good name for a lot of pets. Mostly solitary ones, such as cats or axolotyls or brown spaniels. A pet you would sit down with at night by the fireside and say: “I just don’t know sometimes MJ” while shaking your head sadly at your scotch. A good listening pet, hence and/or despite the solitariness.

But, although they possess an excellent sense of hearing, bats are not appropriate for this title because they are most active at night, are a swarm animal, perch* out of reach, emit constant screeching noises as a way of seeing and boast a veritable buffet of diseases.


I was reading about sea perch yesterday. Most enjoyable. They reach maturity between 20-40 years of age and can live around 150 years. You can even get them in the Faroe Islands, where in fact they’re on postage stamps!**

**End Digression:

Not even a real Dolphin.

I digress. What about dolphins? It is true that the name “MJ” does seem to fit as they can hear and emit ridiculously high frequencies of clicks and whistles. However, they also use this primarily to locate their prey (porpoise purposes!), especially the Amazon’s Ugly River dolphin, and you couldn’t normally get a fireplace and dolphin in the same room. You’d need an aquarium like in Free Willy (only the first one – not 2: The Adventure Home, 3: The Rescue, and 4: Escape from Pirate’s Cove). Also they breathe by conscious effort and could commit suicide  if they chose, so depressing them with worldly troubles may not be such a grand, yet self-pitying sort of idea.

Gosh. The Free Willy sequels are remarkably generic! Number four was made in 2010. According to the following basic quadratic function Number Five is due three-quarters of the way through 2025.

Also according to this equation, we can expect that in 3000 AD, Free Willy 20: Corporate Whore will emerge on to the big screen, no doubt with it’s usual acclaim.