Marmots: Uses and Their Disambiguations

So it transpires that my number one search term that overwhelmingly draws people to this site is the word “marmot.” It accounts for roughly a quarter of all my visitors, yet as actual marmot studies and related literature are sparse in this blog (to say the least), I get the feeling most people go away disappointed. Surprisingly the top ten search terms are all to do with animals: including angler fish, dairy cows, phytoplankton and Martha Argerich.


Blah. Crotchet equals 100.

[Apologies in quasi-advance for the relative lack of pictures – I can’t seem to upload them properly at the moment and it took an age just to include the two here… but I can put text in colour as a pretty substitute]. The Emperor’s New Text?

Therefore, we must take a short break from ranting about music and whatever else I normally write about and contribute something to marmot-lore. To be honest (a very British phrase I’ve picked up) I knew hardly anything about marmots, and googling ‘uses for marmots’ digs up very little dirt on our friends (pun intended). Apparently, it is the name for some debugging software, so that’s a plus.

Basically marmots are little burrowing European critters – mammals I assume – that best function as prey animals. I hesitate to suggest what exactly constitutes a ‘predator’ in good ol’ Europe. Do they even have wolves? Maybe bears. I don’t know anymore. Also they seem to enjoy living at altitude – OH I KNOW, WHAT ABOUT EAGLES and hibernate during nine-freaking months of the year, often preferring to starve to death via depleted fat reserves than prepare more effectively during their awake times. They drift towards the more exotic side of the pet spectrum with their dispersal tendencies and destructive landscaping capabilities, again not to mention the extreme part-time nature of the hibernation. So kids remember to have your proper marmot licensing as well as parental permission and don’t play outside in thunderstorms, even with your marmot as they provide little protection and are not suited to heat.

Not the most threatening of animals, the marmot and it’s small ground-dwelling rodent-esque ilk instead bide their time and allow major natural disasters to wipe out enormous chunks of larger and/or cold-blooded lifeforms before over-populating and evolving into more creative and nihilistic structures. Cowards.

I'd Rather Charleston

I’d Rather Charleston.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this refreshing summary of the marmot – one of the most mediocre creatures our planet has to offer.

4 thoughts on “Marmots: Uses and Their Disambiguations

  1. Nice post. The number one search item that leads people to my page is Bach’s Tocotta and Fuge in D minor followed by “this is the cereal that’s shot from guns.” The former gets a little more traffic around Halloween, and it does show some musical literacy. The latter flummoxes me because the Quaker Puffed rice commercial that used the 1812 Overture must have ended in the 60s or 70s so it means a lot of older people like myself are looking it up. It also shows the power of image and music used in advertizing for creating a lasting impression and also musical illiteracy because the 1812 is probably one of the most played pieced of music. Keep writing, marmot.

  2. How strange – cereal actually shot from guns! Though I could only find the early version without music on youtube:
    I envisioned it being more a 4th of July celebratory effect for a commercial – the ad was before my time though. Ironically, I suspect most people come to this blog in search of the pictures of animals rather than the musical content! I must say I enjoy reading your blog.

  3. The number 4 search term that brings people to my blog is mushroom. I do not have the word mushroom associated with my blog like you do marmot.
    I posted a stuffed mushroom recipe once. And although good, not THAT good for that many searches.
    Maybe they were looking for a different type of mushroom, but trust me, my blog is not where one would find THAT kind either.
    At least you know why marmot is associated with your blog! 🙂

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